A Mouth Shut with Glue…

Shut up! Stop talking. Be quiet! Nobody wants to hear your opinion. Sit down and be a good child. Stop asking questions!! Fix your poster and be obedient. Listen to the adults and learn from them because they know better than you… You’re just a stupid kid…

Haven’t we all heard something along these lines in our lifetime? Somebody putting us down, silencing our thoughts and manipulating our opinions and behavior. Making us feeling absolutely worthless…

When we are children, our imaginative nature allows us to paint the world in beautiful colors with this sense of blissful, innocent freedom. But then, adults, claiming they know best, yank the paints away from us and hand us ugly shades of beige instead to perfectly fill in the coloring book between the lines establishes by society. And sometimes, they don’t even realize that they are censoring and controlling the mind of a child. Instead of taking a pencil and scribbling out own stories, languages and creative works, we are forced to write the narrative that places in front of us. But why??

With all this creative oppression we face growing up, how is it that society expects us to be talkative, outgoing and bubbly when all we have been told since birth is to shut the hell up??? It doesn’t make sense. We aren’t robots! 

Now that I’ve grown up, I still hear words like this in my head. And the absurd thing is that the adult feeding me all this recycled poison is myself. How did I go from a creative free spirit to a tasteless prison to the rules of modern day society.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve applied a lipstick called “insecurity” without realizing that it was a tube of superglue instead of the lustrous lip shine I was originally reaching for. Shyness takes over, my insecurities run rabid and I just. can’t. speak. I feel trapped in this black hole of self loathing and anxiety and feel like my opinions are more worthiness then a piece of old gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe. I can’t help it! And it doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking or paying attention. It’s just meant that I’m too freaking scared of opening my mouth with fear that people will reject me and tell me to shut up, like I have been told so many times before. And I’m not the only one in this world who feels this way. 

We hide our colorful, beautiful, wonderful personalities to put on the persona that the world expects us to be. Another contributing factor is the rules or doctrines of the religion you were born into or are following. I don’t want to get too much into this because spirituality is a very personal thing and everyone has the right to have faith in what they see fit, but the reality is, what is expected from us from these “higher places” is a lot of pressure!  As a chick born into the christian church, for YEARS I had a group of people watching and judging my every move. So how was I to open my mouth when I felt that there was always somewhere there waiting to attack and criticizes the raven haired, dark lipstick wearing “goth kid.” Seriously, people! What’s wrong with black lipstick and eyeliner?!

Also, if you struggle with any sort of mental health issue, it’s even worse. Hiding our words out of fear of being put into a straight jacket.For whatever reason, we just live in fear. And this is difficult. Putting yourself out there is difficult. I envy the people who are unapologetically confident and can say anything they want with ease and self-assurance. I was expected to be that kind of person but how would I be when I was told that everything I did was wrong?  

I leave you with this thought. If we don’t start valuing our own opinions, if we keep acting like our words, our thoughts, out feelings are just meaningless, how can we expect others to value them??

Let’s all wash off the glue that presses our lips shut and start valuing ourself. Easier said than done. But I know that you can do we can do it, even if it takes a while. And hopefully one day I can speak up in class without fear of making a fool of myself.

Be yourself ❤️, Stay Weird 👽 & Happy Halloween  🎃
PJ Cage 🖤🕸🗝🥀

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